Cat Denningview more articlesSomething you won’t see very often is a single Obstacle Racer. The majority seem to be happily enjoying the delights of monogamy, which seems to be an unusually large ratio compared to the general population. This must mean we are absolutely the most fantastic people on the planet to date. But what is it about a bunch of generally muddy folk that gives Cassanova a run for his money?
We’re Adventurous
A first date with an OCR runner is never going to be the cinema and a trip to Pizza Express on Orange Wednesday. Oh no. We are inventive, exciting and crucially, incapable of sitting down for any period of time unless seriously injured. Ice skating, go karting, rollerblading or “mystery adventure date” are all on the cards when you decide to go out with one of us.
We Have Excellent Stamina
Wink wink, nudge nudge. In a strictly 12A sense, this means that we have endless reserves of energy to spend wandering around the shops, doing DIY, dancing the night away when clubbing and walking any four legged friends.
We Have A Willingness to Carry Heavy Things
If carrying your shopping bags after a heavy credit card bashing session isn’t your thing, or lugging your food shop up the stairs to your flat makes you feel faint, dating an OCR runner is absolutely the way to go. After all, we spend our weekends voluntarily running around carrying sandbags through bogs while sprinting, so your weekly haul of Lidl’s finest should be a piece of cake. Probably best not to let us carry eggs though. They might get damaged during the celebratory burpees.
You Know Where We Are 100% of The Time
Literally. GPS trackers such as Strava, Runkeeper and Nike Plus not only show where we have been, but when. On those occasions when we are not slavishly tracking our route, we are probably caught on camera mid race, our antics easily made into a flickbook-style timeline pieced together from race photos posted online. If our partner claims to “never know where you are” then they must live in a nuclear bunker wearing a tinfoil hat.
We Will Never Cheat
For many reasons. Firstly, we don’t have the time. Secondly, any attempts to cheat at an OCR event are so utterly unsanitary that they don’t bear thinking about. Thirdly, after any event involving water nobody has functioning male or female parts and lastly, we don’t have the energy for ruderies after all those sandbag carries. Plus of course we have impeccable moral character.
We Can Eat
Training, racing, recovering and rushing around hugging everyone we haven’t seen since last weekend burns a vast amount of calories. Most of us probably burn minimum of 5,000 more than your average person each week and the last thing we need is to lose weight. So we are constantly eating to put back in what we’ve just taken out. A prospective suitor doesn’t need to worry about taking us to a fancy restaurant only to order a side salad and tap water. We will imbibe in all the carbs. And like it.
You Get Time To Yourself
Whether you want to watch an entire season of Breaking Bad, level your Call of Duty avatar, have a chick flick marathon, sing kareoke in your bathtub or just have some quality “me time”, having a Weekend Warrior as your partner means that in theory they never, ever have to find out about any of your guilty pleasures. You can indulge whatever dubious hobby you have while they are racing and they will have absolutely no idea how crazy you actually are.
Kids Love Us
Any adult willing to go to the playpark and jump down the slide headfirst is automatically far better than any other adult in the eyes of small children. OCR lovers don’t just take our kids to the playpark. We climb on all the equipment, crawl through tunnels, don’t care a bit about getting dirty and will see endless rounds of repeating the same mind numbing thing over and over again as really good practice. Winning at childcare.
We Are Likely to Live Longer
A decent level of physical fitness is a natural side effect of frequent OCRs. We also often combine this compulsion to better ourselves with exercise with an inexplicable compulsion to cook from scratch and eat clean. Don’t get me wrong, the odd Nandos or pint of beer can come into play, but 90% of the time we are good as gold and as a result less vulnerable to the complications being unfit and unhealthy can bring.
Because We Let You Play Nurse
Having said that, we do get more than your average amount of superficial boo boos. Our partners know that if they dutifully examine said boo boos and pass the arnica and sticking plasters, we will be so grateful that we will go to great lengths to remain sufficiently in their good books that they will agree to be nurse next weekend too.
We Do Good Holidays
Normal people do a trip to Butlins or perhaps a tacky package holiday where you get to spend your time with… other English people. Gee. Not so with us. If we intend on running a destination race, our partners could find themselves whisked away to Disneyland (the really, American one, not the pretend French one), Ohio, Norway, San Francisco, Hawaii or the scenic mountain ranges of Wales and Scotland. The added bonus is that the guilt of leaving our other halves alone for the duration of a race tends to mean that the remainder of the holiday is spent spoiling them rotten. It’s win-win.
We Give You Something to Talk About
Our WAGs and HABs get to enjoy something very special: Bragging Rights By Proxy. It’s all of the brag with none of the pain. When you are being proud of someone you love, it absolutely isn’t gloating and you can bang on about it as much as possible. Oh, your wife made a cake at the weekend, you say? Mine ran 20 miles, scaled 50 obstacles and then came home and baked three different kinds of cookies. Mounted on top of this opera cake.
That Body
Regardless of size, shape or proportion, we all have awesome bodies. I don’t mean we all have six packs or dancing pecs, I mean we are all pretty remarkable physical specimens. Our bodies can do amazing things, on or off the course. We are strong, fast, flexible and can take epic amounts of punishment. What about that is not hot to look at?
We Bring Back Goodies
Races give us free cool stuff. On a regular basis, this cool stuff benefits our partners more than it benefits us (a case in point is the Men’s Health Survival of The Fittest goodie bag which seems to have rehomed itself with the Mr at lightening speed). Finishers tees become PJs for WAGs and the inevitable men’s magazines find their way into the hands of HABs with lightening speed. You’re welcome.
